Why most people find it difficult to move on from a relationship

Relationships are a changing tale and there is no perfect understanding.

With humans wielding the powers of a chess-piece queen, you would expect us to have uncovered every mystery and be experts at handling our lives. For humans, one thing seems prominent, our inability to give up or let go even when we’re losing too much. 

This character shows up at every phase of our lives- in relationships, work, friendships etc. While it may be outstanding in some facets, it is detrimental in others.

Humans and Relationships are co-dependent. One must suffer while the other lives; there is no win-win. We internalise actions and words. It easily becomes a part of us, our plans, dreams and daydreams. We dwell on the prospects and failures like a bee on a newly budding flower. People in relationships are strong and yet weak. We are drawn to be supportive. 

When we feel we’ve gotten to a good place, we make a bus stop, form a wall around it and start a foundation. We strip ourselves of the very last bit and are naked before the person whom we have made our dream. With some people, men and women alike, there’s no distinct line between emotions and sex.

As regards emotions, some of us go all in or nothing. Investing our all in one person over a long period, we expect some sort of loyalty. We remember, we reminisce on the details and it feeds our pain. It is like an addiction we keep feeding and eventually we overdose if we do not find healing.

For people unaccustomed to rejection, they let themselves feel the sadness, the emptiness, and the pain of losing someone you care deeply about. Unlike the few that can act like it never happened and never really show the feelings that make them look out of control, many people talk about it, act it, live it.

People who have had a child from a relationship find it harder to move on, the odds are against them. To some it’s a reminder of a dream that never grew wings.

People are dependent, people need healing and they see value in relationships and therefore honour it as salvation. It is harder to break down the walls when it’s a person who has so become intricately woven with your sanity, a person you have made your peace. When your comfort is snatched from you, for a while, you keep trying to find the person in other people that you meet. We are left bare and scarred like a bruised fruit to sways and waves. 

It is hard to start all over with someone else, a new canvas and you barely have enough paint. And if we've found something good, why let go?